Watch Soul Surfer – And Get Along Better With Your Teenage Daughter
Last night Anna comes up to me and says, “You know what we should do?” It was 10:30, which is pretty late for me to still be up so I hesitated when she suggested we go rent “Soul Surfer” and watch it together.
Fortunately I remembered my own advice about when your teenage daughter actually wants to do something with you: Often it’s not when you would choose or what you would choose, but think twice before you say no because if you don’t take her up on it now, you may be in for a wait before she asks again.
So I agreed and I’m glad I did. For some reason the boys were both up out of bed when we got back with the movie so we popped some corn and had an impromptu family movie night with a…
Great Family Movie
Soul Surfer is the story of Bethany Hamilton. You’ve probably heard of her – the surfer girl from Hawaii who got her arm bitten off by a shark when she was 13. I remember seeing her on the news when it happened back in 2003 but there’s more to Bethany’s story than just a shark attack.
You should know by now that I believe in encouraging young people to see themselves capable of great things. As fathers we want our children know they have unlimited potential. It’s particularly important we embolden our daughters because there’s so much in society today that doesn’t.
One great way to sell our daughters the idea of female strength is through movies with strong female characters and Soul Surfer fits that bill to a T. Not only is this a story of strength but it’s also a story of faith.
I’m not going to recap the whole movie but I do recommend that you get it. Watch it with your daughter. Watch the special features and see the real Bethany Hamilton on home video the very first time she gets back up on the board 28 days after losing her arm. You’ll be amazed and inspired by this young lady but I want you to do more.
Be Amazed By Your Own Daughter!
I want you to be amazed and inspired by your own daughter. I want you to imagine her future filled with strength and faith and amazing accomplishments. I want you to be your daughter’s biggest fan just like I am mine and finally I want you to tell her how terrific she is.
Maybe jot her a note. Maybe something like this: “Dear Daughter, I know it’s not always easy. Sometimes life throws curve balls and they can really hurt. Remember that no path is without problems but if you use your head, listen to your heart, work hard and have faith, God will turn every problem into an opportunity. As for me I believe you can do anything because I’m your biggest fan. You’re maturing into an amazing person and I’m proud of who you are! Thanks for being my daughter - Love, Dad.”
Happy Father’s Day!
Today is father’s day and I am happy. I love Father’s day because in the hustle and bustle of life it’s one of those days that stand out among the others to remind us how lucky we are.
My friends and fellow fathers, I understand. Sometimes you don’t feel so lucky. Sometimes your teenage daughter does things and says things that just don’t make sense. Continue reading »
Happy Mother’s Day!
QD: (hugs teenage daughter) “Happy Daughter’s Day, honey.”
D: “But it’s Mother’s Day.”
QD: “Right, I treated your mom to breakfast and I gave my mom a call on the phone. But you know, when a dad loves his daughter as much as I love you, it’s Daughter’s Day everyday!”
D: “Thanks Dad, I love you too.”
Think – And Get Along Better With Your Teenage Daughter
Being authentic is important to me. In order to be happy and effective I need to genuinely feel like what I am doing, saying, and thinking is true and right and good.
I’ve had some trouble writing lately about how to get along better with your teenage daughter and I think I know why. Over the last few weeks my relationship with my daughter has hit some real rocky spots. It’s hard for me to offer advice about how to get along when I’m doing a lousy job of job if it myself.
So I’ve been taking a good look at the situation and here’s my observation:
Lately I’ve taken my eye off the ball.
Teenagers know how to push their parents’ buttons. I know Anna pushes my buttons, sometimes on purpose. She does this for a variety of reasons that seem perfectly legitimate to her and then I am in the uncomfortable position of having my buttons pushed. It’s here that I have to choose the quiet path or suffer consequences.
I know that I am a conscious being with the power to choose but you know as well as I do that emotions are powerful things. When we get caught up in a situation where other people (like our daughters) are behaving in ways we don’t like, it’s real easy to go with our gut reactions.
Gut reactions are emotional responses. Anger, elevated voice tones, retaliation, punishment – these are all perfectly natural responses that our primitive brains cook up when someone pushes our buttons. These are the responses I’ve been slipping back into the last few weeks when Anna has pushed my buttons.
So how to fix it?
Fortunately human beings are fairly evolved and we have more than one kind of brain. Sure we still get fight or flight signals from the smaller, bottom parts of our brains but we also have the choice to use the bigger and more powerful parts of our brains.
Choice is the key.
Humans are different from other animals because we can choose. Nature has blessed us with enormous structures at the front of our brains that give us capacities beyond those of the other animals. But we still have those smaller brain parts too. So if we want to act like humans instead of animals we have to choose which brain parts we’re gonna listen to.
Listen to fight or flight gut reactions from the stem regions of your brain and act like a primitive animal, yelling and retaliating. Listen to intelligent reasoning from your huge, powerful frontal lobes and act like a more enlightened, more human, more quiet dad.
I can’t stop anyone from pushing my buttons, but I can choose how to respond when they do. Today I consciously choose to respond with love and I invite you to do the same.
Let’s both write a note to our daughters.
Dear Daughter,
You’ve really been making me angry lately and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I know life’s not easy for you any more than it’s easy for anyone else. I should be more accepting of where you are in life right now because that’s exactly where you are supposed to be. I’m glad you’re my daughter and I love you no matter what.
Dad
Peace
Teach Her About The Teen Brain – And Get Along Better With Your Teenage Daughter
D: “Dad, will you take me and Courtney to the mall?”
QD: “Hmmmn. What’s in it for me?”
D: “Oh Daddy. (she smiles the sweetest, most adorable smile you’ve ever seen) You know I love you, right?” Continue reading »
Do SODAS – And Get Along Better With Your Teenage Daughter
Daughter: “So Daddy, do you remember how you said after I learned to do SODAS you would pay for my movie and popcorn?”
QuietDad: “Yes I do. Are you ready to get to work?”
D: “Yup.”
QD: “Ok. You’re probably wondering what a SODAS is. SODAS is a way that you can use a pen and paper to solve problems. It’s powerful because it helps certain parts of your brain to get stronger. It’s kind of like pumping iron with your pre-frontal cortex.”
D: “What’s a pre – thing a ma vortex?” Continue reading »
Why Your Teenage Daughter Abuses You, Part 2 – PAIN
One day, on the way to school:
Continue reading »
Check Out Anna’s Page!
So Anna asked me the other day if I liked her hat.
She handed it to me and I said “the first thing I would do with this hat is…” (I held the hat in my two hands, ready to bend the brim into a proper shape) “I would bend the brim so it fit my head properly.”
“Nooooo!” She exclaimed, thinking I might actually do it. ”It wouldn’t be cool any more.” I smiled and gave her the hat back.
It’s Anna I love, not the hat.
You can see Anna’s hat and her new page by clicking here.
Peace, JR
Listen to Eminem – And Get Along Better With Your Teenage Daughter
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Anna.
~“Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers.” -Alfred Tennyson~
Like most parents, you probably think Eminem songs are garbage. But have you ever tried listening to them?
Actually listening to them?
If you did, you might be surprised by Continue reading »
How Mooseheart Saved My Life – Part 1
Hi. My name is J.R. Jensen and this is the story of how Mooseheart saved my life.
My story begins on a cold, snowy day in January of the year 2000. My wife Jamie and I had an official visit scheduled to learn more about an opening for a job called Continue reading »
